Everything Wrong with Starbucks

This may be off the beaten path of my usual posts but I’ve to get this off of my chest. I hate Starbucks! There I said it…Well obviously it’s not an “I hate it so much that I’d never go there”, type of hate.

I actually enjoyed that eggnog latte I’m holding in the picture …. I also enjoyed the free WI-Fi… and to put it out there, if Starbucks ever wanted to sponsor me…I’d sign. (just disregard that second sentence guys!)


I guess my hate is more of an “I hate it because I don’t understand it” type of hate. Like racism.

Yeah. I’m racist against Starbucks…

you know…I can hang out with it..but if my son ever brought one home to marry… I’d throw a fit


First of all, how did I miss the meeting that everyone apparently attended where Starbucks taught the rest of the world what the f^@& a “chai latte” is?


Or how about a macchiato…what the hell does macchiato even mean?…There’s a red line under the word right now because spell-check can’t even figure it out. Sounds like a renaissance painter to me..don’t pretend like you know!


Caramel Stained

(by the way, it means “Stained” in Italian so yeah that makes so much sense now right?!…NO)


Secondly when was it that the world agreed that the word “TALL” was an acceptable label for “the smallest size we offer” and “Grande” would only mean “Medium”? What the heck?! …I may not know Italian, but in Spanish Grande…never-mind….and Have you SEEN their “TALL” cup? … It’s short!!!


I saw on the website that there’s apparently a “short” size too…you know in case the tall small isn’t small enough…the location near me fails to disclose this. They probably thought it was excessive.

but all that is only a part of my gripe with this highly successful enterprise and the people who frequent it.

A friend of mine, who is one of those people, says that the reason I don’t “get” Starbucks is because Starbucks is a culture and I’m not a part of it.


to that I say…You know that culture starts with the word “CULT” right? I’m just saying…


Anyway I actually  agree with that statement. Because to me, it’s a foreign culture.


When I walk into the place it feels like I’ve entered a foreign country. I hear people ordering these strange drinks with their strange variations, additions, and subtractions,  and I think “how the heck do you know what that’s going to taste like?”


I can assume it’s from experience, but “how did you come to that conclusion originally?”


You can’t convince me that every Starbucks patron is just some coffee connoisseur.


You would think they all studied coffee beans, blends, and variations as an elective in school the way that they order. But I’m convinced half of them have no clue what they’re talking about (yeah, probably you). And that they just follow the latest trend of whatever Starbucks says is cool that day (OOOH PUMPKIN SPICE!! aka PSL to the true believes)


And the menu makes no sense…someone told me that they sell regular tea there. Like just a bag in a cup type tea. Well, I don’t see that on the menu, just like I don’t see that missing “short” cup they talk about.

All I see is a bunch of items that might as well be in a foreign language, with no descriptions or indication of what I might expect from a drink called “stained”. It’s as if they want me to stand there for 10 min looking like an idiot and then storm out of the building still thirsty and extra frustrated.


Now, I get that I’m just not into coffee like that, but should I have to be?

When you step into a taco bell do you have to be familiar with authentic Mexican ingredients and seasonings to place an order that you at least have a good guess of what it might taste like?


And don’t get me wrong I am adventurous! I like to try new things and experiment. I just feel like when you walk into a Starbucks everyone is judging you if you don’t know that you want an “Almond milk latte with an extra shot of espresso, light whip, no foam, and 3 cubes of ice” within 10 seconds of entering the building.

But aside from me not “getting” the shop and the trendy culture itself, I also don’t get America’s general infatuation with it’s product.


Come on. Admit it. Coffee is Gross.


I guess it is an “acquired” taste, but so is mud if you eat it enough.


Let’s be honest, aside from getting your milked-up, sugared-down, “mocha-whatever- the-heck” that probably has 46 grams of sugar..in a…”TALL” … you probably wouldn’t be lining up by the droves EVERY SINGLE MORNING to get plain black coffee bean juice in a cup would you?


And THAT is what bothers me the most. The fact that people go to this place almost every single day. Literally.


It upsets me that people feel like they have to engage in this cultural consumer ritual to “Get going” for the day. And what’s even more upsetting is that this general idea has become a norm in many circles.


Being literally addicted to a stimulant substance to get your morning “started” is OK somehow. I just can’t get with the idea.


I feel like the occasional pick-me-up if fine.

Late night? Long day? Final Exams? By all means Starbucks away.(within reason)


But you pretty much have the drug dealer…Starbucks, on every corner and the fiends coming by the hundreds each morning to get a daily fix.


But the air of trendy-coolness, the idea of the sophisticated coffee connoisseur that’s associated with it, somehow makes it OK to be an  addict and spend upwards of $80 a month on coffee. And that’s if you ‘re only getting “TALLS”.


I have seen people literally go through withdrawals with symptoms like headaches and fatigue because they have gotten their bodies to the point of dependence on this substance. We weren’t meant to operate like that…we’ve been duped by the “Man”. A slave to the product. But somehow, we find a way to justify it.


Drinking a Grande (that’s a large right?) coffee has about 330mg of caffeine. That’s a lot. That takes a toll on your nervous, cardiovascular system and adrenal glands. Especially if that’s just your “starter” coffee for the day and there’s more as the day drags on.


We all have free choice, do what you will,  but as a health professional I have to say that I think it’s more ideal to let your body’s natural processes take place and give you energy and not depend on lining someone else’s pockets to little benefit of your own.


Proper diet, getting enough sleep, B-12 supplements, being active regularly, these are things that will help you to be “alive” in the morning sans a cup of dark water.


And if you’re on a weight loss journey, Starbucks is not necessarily your friend. Even the green tea latte with non-fat milk has 24 grams of sugar in a “TALL”.


But Don’t just take my word for it. According to Health Ambition:

..a Starbucks Venti Non-Fat Caramel Macchiato, has 44 grams of sugar in it, which translates to about 11 teaspoons of sugar.

That’s a whole lot of sugar for something we think of as a benign and healthy low fat or fat free drink.

Your Carb and calorie allotment can definitely be better-spent.

And cutting out that sugary coffee can also help you avoid some of the negative effects of sugar like Non-Alcoholic Fatty liver disease, Type 2 diabetes, and insulin resistance.


Don’t get me wrong though, coffee isn’t all bad. I actually recommend it as a part of your weight-loss journey if you drink it black. And as we agreed before… that’s just nasty.

But a few mg of caffeine to get you going to do physical activity at the gym or something of that nature can help you power through a workout. Drinking 200mg to sit at a desk…I get it…but not the best.


Coffee does have some researched health benefits too. Like protecting against some diseases, increasing liver function, and helping to reduce the risk of depression.


The more I look at it, Starbucks and what it peddles deserves my ire. But then again everything is OK in moderation…but when it comes to Starbucks fans, I usually see the trend increase rather than decrease.


But what the heck do I know? I’m a hater I know….hell, I just heard that the CEO of Starbucks is stepping down to work on launching an even more PREMIUM coffee line. Now we’ll have even more names to pretentiously pretend like we know what they mean when ordering our drug of choice for the day.


I apologize to people who are really into coffee. I probably just feel this way because it’s something I’m just not that into so of course I don’t understand what all the hype is about.

I also don’t mean to offend.

But I had to get that off my chest.


If you can inform me on what I’m not seeing…or how I can see the light let me know!


I didn’t even talk about the nude, two-tailed mermaid with its fins spread as the logo lol.


Anyway thanks for reading my rant. If you happen to love or hate Starbucks let me know why in the comments.


Regardless of your coffee habit, Great things are on the Horizon for you. Take care.


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Also published on Medium.

3 Responses

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